Legato's Tales From Beyond The Girls Bathroom
by EvilVashTSClone
Summary: ch.16!! Legato has his own show on the way all the from the girls bathroom.Knives and Rem agree on something, Vash's proposal to Meryl. what is this all coming to?! R&R PLZ OH PLZ OH PLZ!!!
1. Job Assignements

LWW: DISCLAIMER: -_\\ NO OWNIE TRIGUN. Just distort it and twist it in me own mind. Legato demands that you worship him and shower him with hotdogs -_\\ : bring me hotdogs ^^. : Bring me DONUTS too. _\\ : NO get out of my show ^^. : but I thought it was my show.gee and to think all along it was about Legato. strange LWW: sorry for any oocness I am on to much medication right now to think properly. Please don't hurt me for any OOC-ness.. LEGATO'S TALES FROM THE GIRLS BATHROOM By LWW  
  
LEGATO RISES OUT OF A PLATFORM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GIRLS BATHROOM.  
  
LEGATO: Hello and welcome one and all to the end of life as you know it.  
  
VASH COMES BOUNDING OUT OF A STALL. HE IS DRIPPING WET AND HIS CLOTHES ARE TATERED.  
  
LEGATO: What happened to you? HE EATS A HOTDOG THAT APPEARED IN HIS HAND.  
  
VASH SHAKES LIKE A WET DOG  
  
VASH: Don't go in there. It's scary. There's a.  
  
KNIVES FALLS FROM THE CEILING  
  
KNIVES: A rabid Vash eating Kuroneko that feasts upon plants named Vash.  
  
LEGATO: Now as I was saying; your miserable lives shall end today.  
  
KNIVES PETTING ONE OF THE VASH EATING KURONEKOS  
  
KNIVES: The spider species shall cease to exist!  
  
VASH: LOVE AND PEACE!!  
  
LEGATO: I am your host.  
  
VASH: VASH THE STAMPEDE HUNTER OF THE ELUSIVE MAYFLY PEACE AND THE HUNTER OF.  
  
KNIVES: DEPENDS TO HELP HIS LEAKY BED TIME PROBLEMS!!  
  
VASH: Knives I do not wet the bed!  
  
EG MINE APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A NEW FRESH BAG OF PAMPERS  
  
EG: Master Knives.I am the one who wets the bed.well actually it is Rei Dai's bed since mine is broken because Grey crushed it on his way to the little boy's room.  
  
LEGATO: And today we shall visit the lives of.  
  
KNIVES: NO ONE!! Since the entire species of spider scum shall be.  
  
VASH: Rained on by a shower of.  
  
KNIVES: Wild Spider eating Kuronekos!!  
  
LEGATO IS NOW SITTING ON A SOFT CUSHIEST LOOKING CHAIR EATING CHEESECAKE.  
  
LEGATO: We shall have guests come in here and share their thoughts of life and death and then I shall destroy them as they exit the bathroom.  
  
VASH: WAIT!! You can't do that!  
  
LEGATO: Why not?  
  
KNIVES: Because I want to do that!  
  
KNIVES IS NOW RECLINING IN A LAZY BOY SIPPING WINE AND PETTING A FURLESS KURONEKO, IT GOT THAT WAY FROM HIM PETTING IT SO MUCH  
  
LEGATO: That is fine. We also need someone to get our guests coffee and cake and usher them onto the show.  
  
MILLY WALKS IN THE DOOR SMILING AND WAVING LIKE A HYSTERICAL MANIAC  
  
MILLY: I'll do it!!  
  
LEGATO: That will do.  
  
KNIVES: BUT SHE'S A SPIDER!!  
  
VASH: Knives, no one else is here that wants to do that.  
  
KNIVES: Oh.  
  
LEGATO IS NOW LICKING HIS LEFT ARM  
  
LEGATO: Now we need someone to  
  
KNIVES: Wash my feet!  
  
VASH: NO! Who wants to touch those nasty things? They're crusty!  
  
LEGATO: Fine Rai Dai shall wash Knives' feet.  
  
RAI DAI HOLDS UP A PIECE OF PAPER WITH JAPANESE WRITING ON IT 'ICK, NOW LET US FIGHT!'  
  
  
  
LWW: Who will do what next as Legato creates his own talk show ^^. : Can I be the donut guy? -_\\ : . -_- : I GET TO BE THE EXECUTIONER!!! MWA HA HA !! 


	2. Meryl the boring meister

Disclaimer: No own No sue -_\\ : Where are my hotdogs? ^^. : Where are my donuts?  
  
LEGATO'S TALES FROM THE GIRLS BATHROOM By Lww  
  
REM: Last we left our friends they were assigning jobs for each one of the Trigun cast to perform different jobs to carry out Legato's show thing.  
  
LEGATO IS SITTING IN THE BATHROOM ON A THRONE WITH MANY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN FANNING HIM WITH THE FEATHERS FROM AN ENDANGERED BIRD.  
  
LEGATO: Now, who do we have to film?  
  
VASH JUMPS OUT OF THE SINK  
  
VASH: Me, me, me. Let me do it!  
  
WW: I'll do it.  
  
LEGATO: WW shall do it. Vash I have a different job for you.  
  
VASH POUTS AND PULLS HIMSELF OUT OF THE SINK  
  
WW GOES AND STANDS BEHIND THE CAMERA  
  
LEGATO: Now who is going to snap the little black thing before filming?  
  
DOMINIQUE WALKS INTO THE BATHROOM EVERYONE STARES AT HER  
  
LEGATO: You shall do it!  
  
DOMINIQUE: Do what?  
  
VASH: snap the little black snappy thingy before the show starts to film. DOMINIQUE: No.  
  
LEGATO USES SOME OF HIS EVIL MIND POWERS TO GET HIS OWN WAY CAUSING DOMINIQUE TO WALK OVER TO THE TABLE AND PICK UP THE BLACK SNAPPY THINGY.  
  
DOMINIQUE: I hate my life.  
  
LEGATO LOOKS AT HIS CHECK LIST  
  
LEGATO: Camera man.check  
  
Executioner.check Coffee/cake/bringer onto stage person.check Host.check Black snappy thingy snapper.check Translator. Co-host. Special Effects. Uh janitor.  
  
KNIVES CLIMBS OUT OF A LIGHTBULB THAT HAD RECENTLY BUSTED  
  
KNIVES: I have returned. Now let us devise a plan to destroy what I call human scum!  
  
VASH: -POINTING HIS FINGER- No Knives!  
  
LEGATO: Who shall clean up after every show?  
  
AS LEGATO SAYS THIS RAI DAI THE BLADE WALKS INTO THE BATHROOM  
  
LEGATO: You! You shall become the janitor!  
  
RAI DAI: -HOLDS UPS A CARD- Yes another job now I challenge you to the death!  
  
LEGATO: .  
  
MERYL WALKS INTO THE BATHROOM HER EYES ABOUT POP OUT OF HER HEAD WHEN SHE SEES WHO ALL IS IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM  
  
MERYL: What the hell are you all doing in here?  
  
VASH: Meryl!! You can be.  
  
MERYL: Be what for what?  
  
LEGATO: Be something for my show.  
  
MERYL: My job doesn't allow me to have any other job while I work for them.  
  
MILLY CLIMBS IN THROUGH A WINDOW  
  
MILLY: But Meryl we don't have a job any more.  
  
MERYL: AAAHHHH Shut-up Milly. You are not supposed to tell any one!  
  
VASH: Now this means you can work here with us! YAY  
  
MERYL: .Tch.  
  
VASH: Meryl can be.  
  
KNIVES: Spider guts cleaner upper  
  
LEGATO: That is Rai Dai's job  
  
KNIVES: Oh then she shall become  
  
VASH: The donut bringer!  
  
LEGATO: No she shall balance the bills and boring things like that.  
  
MERYL: -TWIRLS FINGER- Joy.  
  
Lww: They still have more jobs to hand out. So see you next time ^^. : Bring Donuts and you can get in free : Vash you can't do that if you do that we'll go bankrupt! -_\\ : Shower me with cheesecake I command you! .^^ : I am the almighty spider squisher be afraid be very afraid! 


	3. Rem Goes Ka-boom Again

Disclaimer: . wish I did but I don't. ^^. : where's my donuts? -_\\ : more importantly where are my hotdogs?  
  
LEGATO'S TALES FROM THE GIRLS BATHROOM By Lww  
  
REM: On the last chaotic episode we left our fiends with choosing and picking jobs for everyone. Well they finally finished. And are now ready to start filming and stuff and remember your ticket to the future is always blank.  
  
LEGATO IS SITTING ON A SOFA THAT IS BLUE TO MATCH HIS HAIR WOLFWOOD IS STANDING BEHIND THE CAMERA WAITING TO FILM MERYL IS BACKSTAGE DOING THE BORING THINGS. KNIVES IS STANDING BESIDE THE DOOR VASH IS SITTING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SOFA MIDVALLEY IS BEHIND THE SOFA WITH A BAND PLAYING A LOVELY YET EERIE TUNE AND K-SAMA WAS HOLDING THE CUE CARDS.  
  
LEGATO: Hello there today is the day your miserable lives shall end.  
  
VASH: He's only kidding. Our guest today shall be my very own and personal friend the donut faerie.  
  
LEGATO: I was not kidding. And my co-host is kidding because there is no such thing as a donut faerie. No today's topic shall be what does our cast and crew think of life in a whole.  
  
MILLY WALKS ONTO THE PLATFORM CARRYING A TRAY THAT HELD COFFEE AND CAKES.  
  
MILLY: Here you go.  
  
VASH: Hey! -A LIGHT BULB APPEARS ABOVE HIS HEAD- Milly what is your thoughts on life?  
  
LEGATO: And death -HE PICKS UP HIS CUP OF COFFEE AND SOME CAKE- MILLY: Well life is great you can uh.  
  
LEGATO: -DRINKS SOME COFFEE- Now what about death?  
  
MILLY: Death.well uh.  
  
MERYL: -FROM BACKSTAGE- Milly the donuts are done!  
  
MILLY: Sorry the food is done!!  
  
LEGATO TAKES A BITE OF HIS CAKE IT DISINIGRATES INTO DUST.  
  
VASH: Uh was that supposed to happen?  
  
LEGATO: What the?  
  
WW: You let Milly cook that's what happened.  
  
LEGATO: Curse me.  
  
KNIVES: So when do I execute?  
  
VASH: Never!  
  
KNIVES: Darn you Vash! Darn you to heck!  
  
VASH AND LEGATO STARE AT EACH OTHER BOTH IN AWE FROM KNIVES' WORDS AND STUFF.  
  
VASH: uh Knives what happened to you?  
  
KNIVES: What do you mean my dear little brother?  
  
VASH: .  
  
KNIVES: This is what I would have been like if I took everything that idiotic spider trash human Rem babbled about. Could you stand me around if that had happened?  
  
LEGATO: Mastah please never do that again or I shall be forced to fire you or something worse.  
  
KNIVES GOES BACK TO HIS EXECUTIONER POSE MIDVALLEY PLAYS A NIFTY SOUNDING TUNE AS MERYL REM WALKS INTO THE ROOM.  
  
VASH: Rem!  
  
LEGATO: Ah-ha! We shall ask evil lady Rem.  
  
REM: Excuse me?  
  
VASH: Rem! What are your views or opinion of life?  
  
LEGATO: And death?  
  
REM: -SMILES ALL CHEERY-LIKE- Well let's see. -SHE PLACES HER THUMB TO HER LIPS- The choices we make in life have unlimited possibilities. All I can do is think about them. You should too. And if you keep your vision clear, you will see the future.  
  
LEGATO: Now what about death?  
  
REM: What happens in our future is our own responsibility, because no one has the right to take the life of another.  
  
LEGATO: -LOOKING PEEVED- That was it? I've had pig-dogs tell me better answers than that. Hell Vash has told me better answers than that!  
  
REM: -LOOKING CONFUSED- Well what did Vash say? You never aired his answer.  
  
LEGATO: -LOOKS TO VASH- Vash please enlighten this imprudent woman what was said.  
  
VASH: Uh.ok. Well I said, uh which one life or death?  
  
LEGATO: -SMACK FOREHEAD- Death you senseless buffoon.  
  
REM: Now it isn't nice to call people names.  
  
LEGATO: This is my show I can what the hell I please.  
  
REM: You don't have to be so rude about it.  
  
LEGATO: Vash tell this damn human what you said before I make her pull her insides out from her nose!  
  
VASH: -LOOKING PALE- Ok. I said death is a natural thing. No one has the right to control death.  
  
KNIVES: Unless I Knives is behind it!  
  
REM: Knives I thought I taught you different.  
  
KNIVES: Disappear you rambling egotistical woman spider!  
  
KNIVES SNAPS HIS FINGERS AND REM EXPLODES INTO MILLIONS OF BURNING PIECES OF DEBRIS.  
  
VASH: Knives! What have you done to Rem?  
  
KNIVES: I killed her off for good this time!  
  
VASH: But Knives! Rem was my emotional support! Why'd ya' have to go and blow her to smithereens?  
  
LEGATO: Very well done Mastah. I've never seen anyone explode as lovely as that inscesive woman.  
  
VASH: Not again!  
  
KNIVES: You got over it last time brother, you can get over her again.  
  
MERYL IS SITTING IN THE OFFICE (A STALL) AND LAUGHS AS SHE WATCHES REM'S BODY BURST INTO BILLIONS OF TINY FLAMING BITS.  
  
MERYL: HAHAHAH Now I might actually have a chance with Vash! This is turning out to be my lucky day!  
  
BACK ON THE SET RAI DAI IS SWEEPING UP REM CHUNKIES. WW IS WIPING REM CRUMBS OFF THE CAMERA LENS.  
  
WW: Ok we can film again!  
  
DOMINIQUE SNAPS THE LITTLE BLACK SNAPPY THINGY.  
  
WW: And action!  
  
LEGATO: Well that is all the time we have today, I suppose your lives were spared for now.  
  
VASH: Remember LOVE AND PEACE  
  
KNIVES: SHOVE IN GREASE! -HE PROCCEEDS TO SHOVE VASH IN A BOILING POT OF GREASE BUT VASH DODGES AND KNIVES FALLS IN.  
  
KNIVES: You know this is actually kind of soothing.  
  
Lww: join us next week bat fans same bat time same bat ^^. : wait! You can't use the bat man thingy because this is Trigun .^^ : how about same fat time same fat channel : no that'll anger the fans! ^^ : how about same pudding time same pudding channel -_- : sorry my honey but not everyone likes pudding -_\\ : Join us next time fan girls same legato time same ^^. : Vash channel!! 


	4. This World Is Made Of...

Disclaimer: You don't know yet? -_\\ : You should ^^. : Where's my donuts?  
  
LEGATO'S TALES FROM THE GIRLS BATHROOM BY LWW  
  
REM: Last time we left these no good ingrates Knives' thought he blew me into bits but in actuality he blew Leonav the Puppet Master's Rem look- alike doll up. Knives fell into a boiling pot of grease instead of Vash. Many people gave their views of "life and death" and that about covers it.  
  
LEGATO AND VASH ARE BOTH SITTING IN ROCKING CHAIRS ROCKING BACK AND FORTH. VASH IS CHOWING DOWN ON DONUTS AND LEGATO IS GIVING HIS LEFT HAND A MANICURE.  
  
LEGATO: Hello. The day it all ends is near. I advise you to make good use of the time you have left by watching today's episode. I am your host; Legato Bluesummers and this is my co-host  
  
VASH: I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobella Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the 3rd.  
  
KNIVES: Then that would make me.  
  
DOMINIQUE: Knives and him Vash.  
  
LEGATO: Today we shall discuss suicide.  
  
VASH: To tell you the truth I highly disapprove of suicide so we are going to reminisce about our child hoods.  
  
KNIVES: I refuse.  
  
LEGATO: I agree with the Mastah.  
  
WW: Ditto. VASH: Aww come on guys it'll be fun!  
  
ALL: NO!  
  
VASH STICKS OUT HIS BOTTOM LIP AND POUTS. ALL OF A SUDDEN A LIGHT BULB APPEARS ABOVE VASH'S HEAD  
  
VASH: I got it!  
  
ALL: WHAT?  
  
VASH: We can all tell what we think this world is made of!  
  
LEGATO: Well I guess it is better than Milly's idea.  
  
MILLY: But pudding is a great topic!  
  
WW: Sorry honey but it just won't go over to well with the critics.  
  
MILLY BEGINS TO POUT AND GOES TO THE BACK AND EATS A CARTON OF PUDDING.  
  
LEGATO: So Mastah, what is your opinion?  
  
KNIVES: This world should suddenly go KABOOM!  
  
LEGATO: If you do that then this show is cancelled and we all shall be blown up with out a trace of one of us left!  
  
KNIVES: Well it was a good idea.  
  
VASH: Hey WW what do you think?  
  
WW: Can't you see I am too busy filming to be bothered by that stupid question. When you think of something better ask me then.  
  
VASH: ok.  
  
MERYL IS SITTING AT HER TYPEWRITER TYPING A MEMO TO THE BILL COLLECTOR. VASH: Hey MERYL!!  
  
MERYL: WHAT?  
  
VASH: WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS WORLD IS MADE OF? YOU SHOULD KNOW!!  
  
MERYL: IT'S MADE OF MORONS NAMED VASH KNIVES AND LEGATO AND A STUPID WOMAN.  
  
VASH: THANK YOU MRS PISSYPANTS!  
  
LEGATO: You dare anger the boring meister monster?  
  
KNIVES: Good going numb-nuts. -TAKES OFF HIS SOCKS AND LAUNCHES THEM AT VASH'S HEAD-  
  
VASH: You didn't have to throw your crusty socks at me! -VASH PEELS THE SOCK OFF OF HIS FACE- Gross. -HE TOSSES THE SOCK ONTO THE GROUND AND RAI DAI RUSHES ONTO THE SET AND SWEEPS IT UP.  
  
LEGATO: Now where were we?  
  
VASH: Hey Milly!  
  
MILLY: -A SPOON FULL OF PUDDING CRAMMED IN HER MOUTH.- hmm?  
  
VASH: What do you think this world is made of?  
  
MILLY: pudding!! -SHE HOLDS HER PUDDING CUP UP INTO THE AIR-  
  
LEGATO: Thank you Pudding expert Milly Thompson  
  
VASH: Hey what about you Legato? -VASH ROCKS SOME MORE IN HIS CHAIR- Gee I like these chairs. We should keep them.  
  
LEGATO: No I liked the recliners the best so far. KNIVES: I liked the boiling pot of grease. It made my skin baby butt smooth.  
  
LEGATO: eh-hem. Let's ask my co-host the donut freak.  
  
VASH: Well let me think about this a moment.  
  
-HE PLACES HIS THUMB AND POINTY FINGER ON HIS CHIN.-  
  
THE JEPARDY MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY-  
  
15 MINUTES LATER  
  
VASH: -LIGHT BULB APPEARS ABOVE HIS HEAD- I got it!  
  
LEGATO KNIVES MILLY WW KSAMA DOMINIQUE AND MERYL (WHO'S IN THE STALL STILL) ALL FALL OVER  
  
VASH: This world is made of.  
  
ALL GROWS SILENT  
  
VASH: -STRIKES A FUNNY POSE- LOVE AND PEACE!! BWAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA!!!!!!  
  
EVERYONE FALLS OVER KNOCKING THE CAMERA DOWN LEAVING EVERYONE TO WATCH IN SNOW IN KANSAS.  
  
Lww: See ya next time Trigun fans! ^^. : Remember the donuts .^^ : And some human insect repellent ^^ : And some pudding -_- : And the wild turkey : And the entrée fee you scumbags forgot to pay! -_\\ : Worship me 


	5. Case of the Missing Pudding

Disclaimer: Take a wild guess .^^ : have you come for me to squish you? ^^. : someone actually brought me donuts I'm so happy? -_\\ : now how's about some cheesecake, I seem to be craving it?  
  
Legato's Tales from the Girls Bathroom  
  
By Lww  
  
REM: Last we left these kooky clowns they were all telling what they thought this world is made of and rudely forgot to ask me. Today who knows what they may say.  
  
THE SCREEN IS STILL FUZZY AS WW WORKS ON REPAIRING THE CAMERA  
  
MERYL: Do you know how much that is going to cost?  
  
VASH: -SCRATCHES HIS HEAD- uh a lot?  
  
MERYL: That's right a lot.  
  
VASH: Aw just relax Meryl, WW can fix it. Especially if he can fix his old run down broken bike.  
  
WW: Don't be dissin' my beautiful shiny Angelina 2.  
  
VASH: But it's true!  
  
WW LAUNCHES A WRENCH AT VASH WHICH HITS HIM RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES KNIVES LAUGHS AS HIS BROTHER IS BEING TORTURED.  
  
VASH: Oww what was that for?  
  
WW: Well I don't know. I guess my hand slipped.  
  
MERYL: Will you just fix the damn broken camera!  
  
WW: Aye, aye, seniorita Pissypants.  
  
MERYL: I'll just pretend I didn't hear that!  
  
VASH IS LAUGHING AT THIS ALL  
  
MERYL: Don't make me cut your salary!  
  
VASH: But Meryl, you only pay me in donuts and salmon sandwiches. Remember?  
  
MERYL: Oh yes, well don't make me have to take those away from you too!!  
  
MILLY: Has anyone seen my carton of pudding? I sat it down and it just disappeared.  
  
MERYL: Milly pudding does not just disappear.  
  
LEGATO: Who knows maybe it grew some legs and walked? -HE SLIDES THE PUDDING CUP BEHIND HIS BACK WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING-  
  
KNIVES: I think I saw Dominique into it today and also Vash. -SHOVING HIS PUDDING CUP INTO HIS MOUTH-  
  
LEGATO: Yes, yes.  
  
DOMINQUE: Like I'd waste my time with pudding.  
  
VASH: I only had one!! I was gonna pay you back with a donut! I promise! I'm so sorry!  
  
MILLY: . But then where's the rest of my pudding?  
  
MERYL: Did you eat it all again and not pay attention?  
  
LEGATO AND KNIVES ARE NODDING IN THE BACKGROUND TRYING TO HIDE THE PUDDING THEY STOLE.  
  
MERYL: I'm leaving.  
  
VASH: But Meryl! We need you to do your job because you're the best at it! Plus no one else wanted to do it.  
  
MERYL: I'm not quitting you idiot. I'm going to my office! The one that that blue haired geek gave me!  
  
LEGATO: I don't have to take such name calling! -HE STICKS OUT HIS BOTTOM LIP AND POUTS-  
  
KNIVES: Legato, don't be a wimp like my dorko brother.  
  
LEGATO: -REGAINS HIS COMPOSURE- Sorry about that.  
  
VASH: -LOOKS AT HIS WATCH- Hey you know we only have 2 more minutes of air time and the show never aired?  
  
LEGATO: -LOOKS AT HIS POWERPUFF WATCH- So it seems.  
  
KNIVES: -LOOKS AT HIS POKEMON WATCH- But mine says we have 3 more minutes.  
  
MILLY: Vash is right.  
  
VASH: See told ya! -HE STICKS HIS TONGUE OUT AT KNIVES-  
  
KNIVES: Oh just shut up.  
  
DOMINIQUE: One minute left then I can get out of this retarded place.  
  
WW: I almost got it fixed!  
  
VASH: Well it's a little to late there  
  
KNIVES: To bad the show's over Dead Priest Man.  
  
WW: I am not dead. I survived. Besides its not my fault the camera broke in the first place.  
  
VASH: But you fell down too.  
  
WW: You were the one who said.ARG! Never mind!  
  
VASH JUST SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS  
  
LEGATO: -EATS SOME PUDDING- Well that sucks no one got to watch it.  
  
MILLY: But they got to hear it!  
  
KNIVES: What did the pudding spider say?  
  
LEGATO: What?  
  
VASH: Milly?  
  
WW: She's right ya know.  
  
VASH: But how?  
  
MILLY: The sound equipment was still running. So they at least got to hear the show.  
  
LEGATO: You mean we could have continued.  
  
KNIVES: AAAAA I should squish this spider!  
  
WW: We thought you knew.  
  
VASH: I forgot to tell them  
  
LEGATO THROWS HIS SPOON AT VASH IT ENDS UP POKING HIM IN THE EYE.  
  
KNIVES BEMUSED BY THIS ALSO TOSSES HIS SPOON AT VASH. IT LANDS IN HIS HAIR ONLY TO GET STUCK KNIVES: Lucky me! I was smart and used -HOLDS UP A LITTLE BOTTLE- the almighty super glue.  
  
VASH: Nooooo! Not the hair!  
  
ALL LAUGH AT VASH AS HE TRIES TO PRY THE SPOON FROM HIS HAIR.  
  
THEN THE SOUND IS CUT OFF TO THE VIEWERS AT HOME BECAUSE K-SAMA GOT BORED AND CHEWED THE WIRES FOR IT.  
  
Lww: that sucked I cant think of anything for them to talk about. .^^ : we should talk about how to squish a spider! ^^. : we could talk about donuts! ^^ : how about pudding? -_\\ : Some one help me. ^^. : Maybe you out there could help us! 


	6. No More Donuts?

Disclaimer: Hmmm.. .^^ :Hold still so I can squish you all! -_\\ : Don't hate me because I'm so damn sexy : Pay the entrée fees! $$10!!!  
  
LEGATO'S TALES FROM THE GIRLS BATHROOM  
  
By Lww  
  
REM: The equipment has been repaired and we have a new topic and Milly has a new carton of pudding to sedate her need.  
  
ON THE SET LEGATO AND VASH ARE BOTH SITTING ON COLD HARD METALLIC CHAIRS.  
  
VASH: Hey how's come we got the dumpy hard cold chairs?  
  
LEGATO: I demand an explanation!  
  
MERYL: -WAVING AROUND SOME PAPERS- We are running out of money! The ratings aren't rising they might take the show off the air; the cat is demanding too much money; no one wants to be on your show; and aaahhhhh! Some viewers got angry when Knives blew Rem up.  
  
KNIVES: But she didn't die.  
  
MERYL: AAAAAAHHHHHH I can't take this any more! -MERYL STORMS OFF PIECES OF PAPER GLEAMING IN HER TRAIL.-  
  
WW: She handled this whole thing better than I thought she would. -HE PULLED A CIG OUT OF HIS POCKET AND LIT IT THEN SMOKED IT-  
  
MILLY: What's wrong with Meryl?  
  
WW: Tell me you just didn't hear or see what happened?  
  
MILLY: I saw. So what's wrong?  
  
VASH: Milly,  
  
LEAGATO: We're going to have to cut you pay. You won't get a carton of pudding a day any more, now you only a pudding cup a day.  
  
MILLY: . O.o  
  
KNIVES: So to make up for it we will cut Vash's pay to get you one more pudding cup and me some more super glue.  
  
DOMINIQUE: Why do you need super glue?  
  
LEGATO: Don't question the master!  
  
-LEGATO CAUSES DOMINQUI TO PUNCH HERSELF IN THE STOMACH REPETIVATLY-  
  
DOMINIQUE: Forgive me. -SHE ROLLS HER EYES-  
  
KNIVES: Never roll thine eyes towards mwa!  
  
VASH: Knives? What do you mean you're going to.take away my donuts?  
  
KNIVES: That's right! Not so many donuts for the love and peace boy.  
  
VASH: But.Why don't you cut WW's pay?  
  
WW: Cant I'm camera man. No one can do it.  
  
VASH: Well what about Midvalley?  
  
MIDVALLEY: Can't I'm the only musician here.  
  
VASH BEGINS TO THINK REAL HARD STEAM IS COMING OUT OF HIS EARS.  
  
KNIVES: Vash if you think any harder you're going to fry your small flowery brain.  
  
VASH: hmmm.what about Meryl's pay?  
  
MERYL: Cut my pay and I'll cut you!  
  
LEGATO: She is the only one who can budget the bills  
  
KNIVES: She just scares me. So we cant do that.  
  
VASH: Then what about the cat? He isn't anybody important. Besides he only holds cards that no one looks at.  
  
LEGATO STARES AT THE CUE CARDS  
  
LEGATO: Silly -HE PULLS OUT A PAIR OF READING GLASSES- Vash Kuroneko-sama is very. -HE ADJUSTS HIS GLASSES- important to our show.  
  
KNIVES: -SQUINTS REAL HARD TO READ THE CARDS- That.is.right.Kuro..neko.sama.is.more.important.than even.me.Knives.the squisher of spider kind.  
  
VASH: But.  
  
KNIVES: What the hell?  
  
LEGATO: .  
  
VASH: .  
  
WW: -HOLDS HIS HAND UP SIGNALING THAT THEY ONLY HAVE FIVE MORE MINUTES- Hurry it up, will ya!  
  
VASH: But we never got to the topic!  
  
-MERYL COMES STORMING INTO THE ROOM-  
  
MERYL: What.-HER EYES BEGIMS TO TWITCH- Don't tell me that you bumbling morons screwed up yet another episode..? -TWITCH TWITCH- VASH: That's all the time we have for today folks! YAAAAA -HE DODGES MERYL'S FIST AS IT FLIES OVER HIS HEAD-  
  
LEGATO: Join us next time so I can have your head placed on a silver platter for my Master.  
  
VASH RUNS ACROSS THE STAGE BEING CHASESD BY MERYL AS SHE TRIES TO KICK HIM AND PUNCH HIM.  
  
VASH: I'm sorry Meryl! I love you! Don't you love me?  
  
MERYL: VASH!!!!!  
  
KSAMA: Nyao.  
  
Evtsc: gee.still thinking of how to do all this sorry this chap. Was soo sucky. But just keep reading and plz review -_\\ : I shall punish all who oppose Him .^^ : I get more super glue!! ^^. : They are gonna take away my donuts. Sniff sniff : VASH!!! OO :Nyao 


	7. Bunny Fru Fru

Disclaimer: Wish were mine but not .^^ : Buy cyanide to rid the world of spiders! ^^. : Knives you cant do that! : If you do that then no one will be left to watch -_\\ : I'm to sexy for my spikes to sexy for my spikes so sexy yah!  
  
LEGATO'S TALES FROM THE GIRLS BATHROOM  
  
BY EVTSC  
  
REM: Last we left these idi.wonderful people they just realized they were out of money and whose pay they would cut. Well they finally decided and the persons pay they cut was. -DRUM ROLL- -SHE UNFOLDS A PIECE OF PAPER AND READS IT, SHE SUDDENLY FROWNS- the person whose pay gets cut is Rem.Saverem.WHAT THE!!  
  
ON THE STAGE LEGATO AND VASH SIT ON WOODEN BENCHES. LEGATO IS SIPPING SOME COCO MILLY JUST BROUGHT OUT  
  
LEGATO: Hello and welcome to the end of life as you know it.  
  
VASH: Uh Legato, you've said that before.  
  
LEGATO: No I didn't. You just think I did. Besides our viewers will never know the difference. -LEGATO USES HIS MIND POWERS TO MAKE YOU FORGET THAT HE SAID THAT-  
  
LEGATO: Hello.Humans are a total waste of life.thank you.  
  
VASH: And I am Vash the Stampede Welcome one and all.  
  
LEGATO: And today we are trying something new  
  
KNIVES: I like to call it squish the spiders  
  
MERYL: You do that and the show is cancelled.  
  
KNIVES: You know Vash your spider girlfriend ruins all of my fun.  
  
LEGATO: Today's topic is 'Why We Wear What We Wear.'  
  
VASH: Couldn't you call it anything better.  
  
KNIVES: Hey I thought of the name thank you very much Mr. Poopy Pants! VASH: I do not crap my pants thank you very much you goober butt.  
  
MERYL: Your pay!!  
  
LEGATO: Milly could you come onto the stage?  
  
MILLY WALKS ONTO THE SET A PUDDING CUP IN HER HAND  
  
MILLY: What do you need? More coco?  
  
LEGATO: No. Why do you wear that ridiculous outfit you call clothes?  
  
MILLY: Well I'm not for the whole dress idea. This way with the pants I am able to get to where I need to go. Plus the pockets in these baby's will hold my secret stash of pudding.  
  
VASH: How much pudding can you get in your pockets?  
  
MILLY: Let's see.a lot. Then I wear the brown overcoat thingy to help hide my stun gun.  
  
LEGATO: I can see why.  
  
MILLY: Then I wear this little blue shall thing because it just looks cute!  
  
VASH: Anything else Milly?  
  
MILLY: No that about covers it unless you wanna hear about my.  
  
LEGATO: Thank you Milly. Now please go and finish your jobs for the day.  
  
MILLY: Aye, aye Mr. Legato.  
  
LEGATO: That was interesting.  
  
VASH: Yea, who knew she hid pudding in her pockets.  
  
LEGATO: -TURNS TO MIDVALLEY- So my minstrel Midvalley.  
  
MIDVALLEY: Yes Mr. Legato?  
  
LEGATO: Why did you choose that ensemble?  
  
MIDVALLEY: Well the suit just makes me look better, while the pink shirt brings out the color in my eyes. And as an accessory I chose my lovely Sophia. A beautiful, shiny musical instrument that I can hardly leave home without, unless I am surrounded by many beautiful women.  
  
VASH IS NOW MAKING HAND PUPPETS AND MAKING THEM ATTACK EACH OTHER  
  
LEGATO: Thank you Midvalley.  
  
VASH: That was very interesting. MIDVALLEY: Glad I could be of help. -GOES BACK TO PLAYING MUSIC-  
  
LEGATO: Master.why did you choose that lovely outfit that suits you perfectly.  
  
VASH: Yeah, Knives how's come you chose that? When you could have had something like my wonderful outfit!  
  
KNIVES: First, I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit. Second I like mine because it reveals that I have a great body that all the human trash scum wishes they could have. It also says I'm bent on destroying all the population as we know it.  
  
VASH: But Knives, what's with the hole looking pluggy things?  
  
KNIVES: Oh, those, those are where I.why should I tell you?  
  
MILLY: Hey Mr. Knives,  
  
KNIVES: Yes pudding spider?  
  
MILLY: Yes, well where do you keep things I've noticed that you don't seem to have any pockets.  
  
KNIVES: I wont discuss that with any spiders.  
  
LEGATO: Thank you Mastah.  
  
KNIVES: No problem.  
  
VASH: Hey Meryl my love and joy and uh.all that other stuff!!  
  
MERYL: Vash.  
  
LEGATO: Please tell us boring meister why do you choose that?  
  
MERYL: Well, let me think.  
  
KNIVES: How do you keep it white? Wouldn't the stain start to stain it??  
  
MILLY: Well one time I did laundry and everything turned pink.  
  
DOMINIQUE: I wonder why.  
  
MILLY: Well you see I put Mr. Vash's coat in with Meryl's dress and cape, oh and my shirt. So Meryl was pink for a day.  
  
VASH: I remember that. Ya know Meryl you should wear pink more often it looks real cute on you with that dark hair and those eyes and it looks cute on short people.  
  
MERYL: Shut up Vash.  
  
LEGATO: Anyways please tell us why.  
  
MERYL: Fine. The cape is to hold all fifty derringers. Plus it looks cool. The short skirt because long skirts don't let you do as much. The boots because heels don't let me get my job done.  
  
VASH: Gee.I could see Meryl in heels cute! She'd be taller!!  
  
MERYL: -GLARING AT VASH- Anyways the bow helps hold the cape tied shut at the neck and a white shirt to match.  
  
LEGATO: What about the black hose things.  
  
MERYL: Oh those are so perverts like Vash cant see my panties.  
  
VASH: I've always wondered what they look like.  
  
MILLY: If you wanted to know then why didn't you volunteer to do laundry?  
  
MERYL: Shut up Milly!  
  
WW: Why didn't you go through her dresser drawers?  
  
VASH: Why didn't I ever think of these things?  
  
MERYL: Shut up! Now can I get back to work?  
  
LEGATO: Yes, yes.  
  
KNIVES: Bon voyage! Senorita pissy pants!  
  
MERYL JUST GLARES THEN FLIPS THEM ALL OFF AS SHE ENTERS HER OFFICE.  
  
KNIVES: That's some spider you picked there Vash  
  
VASH: Ya I know isn't she great? -HE LOOKS ALL DREAMY EYED AND SMILES-  
  
LEGATO: So Wolfwood, why the black suit unshaven shaggy hair look for you?  
  
WW: Well I just don't have any time to shave regularly that is. The chicks dig the shaggy hair; don't you see me get mauled by thousands of gorgeous women every time I step onto the street?  
  
VASH: I always wondered who that was.I always thought it was Knives, because the girls got confused and thought he was me.  
  
KNIVES: Like I'd have anything to do with those female spiders  
  
WW: Anyways back to me here. The black suit helps people to notice that I am a priest. Plus the inside of this jacket helps hold all of my cigarettes.  
  
VASH: Then where do you put your portable confessional?  
  
WW: Oh that along with the scripts, go in my pants pocket.  
  
VASH -EYES ARE HUGE-How do they fit in there?  
  
WW: Glad you asked. You see my pockets are like a gateway to anther dimension. One that holds everything I need. For example if you ever see me without my cross it is hiding in my pocket. Oh and any ammo I need to refill my cross with.  
  
VASH: Amazing where can I buy one of those?  
  
WW: No where my friend. I had these babies's specially made.  
  
VASH: So then who made them for you?  
  
WW: Same people who made Knives' outfit.  
  
VASH: -LOOKS TO KNIVES- Who made yours?  
  
KNIVES: Same one who made all the Gung-Ho-Guns.  
  
WW: And that about sums up my wonderful arrangement.  
  
LEGATO: Thank you WW.  
  
VASH: Who haven't we asked yet?  
  
LEGATO: We haven't asked you my unintelligent co-host.  
  
VASH: Me? -HE POINTS TO HIMSELF-  
  
KNIVES: No your evil twin clone.  
  
VASH: I have one?  
  
KNIVES: No I lied.  
  
VASH: Oh.  
  
LEGATO: Get on with it already.  
  
VASH: Ok. Well I kept the hair the same because Rem liked it this way and it helped me to remember her. The red coat for the red geranium which means determination. I chose the long coat look so I could have lots of room to move around and hide stuff. Then the boots.well as you all know from having seen my show in episode. -PLACES HIS HAND ON HIS CHIN AND THINKS.  
  
WW: -PULLS A SCRIPT OUT OF HIS POCKET- Well according to this it was in episode three, Truth of Mistake. -HE PUTS THE SCRIPT BACK INTO HIS POCKET. IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS NEVER THERE TO BEGIN WITH.  
  
VASH: Hey thanks man! Well I use it to help get me out of any predicament that I cant use my gun or my head, or more importantly my good looks. -HE STRIKES A RIDICULOUS POSE AND PROCEEDES TO SHOW OFF HIS MUSCLES MUCH LIKE IN EPISODE TWO-  
  
LEGATO: Okay, that is enough from you Vash.  
  
VASH: But I haven't finished I still have to tell you about my favorite pair of boxers the ones with little donuts and fairies all over them.  
  
LEGATO: There you just told them.  
  
VASH: But they don't know that the donuts glow in the dark!  
  
LEGATO: .  
  
KNIVES: So my servant what about you?  
  
VASH: Yeah what's with the spiky thing?  
  
LEGATO: It comes in handy when you need something to roast your hotdog over an open flame, or to even poke someone in the eye with repetitively.  
  
VASH: Ooooohhhh. Why do you have a creepy looking skull attached to your arm?  
  
LEGATO: Oh you mean Fru-Fru?  
  
WW: Fru.-SNICKER- Fru? -SNICKER SNICKER-  
  
LEGATO: Yes Fru Fru is the remnants of a child hood friend who was destroyed by you.  
  
VASH: Gee, now I actually feel sorry for you. You carry around a dead guy on your arm.  
  
LEGATO: You shouldn't because Fru Fru here helps me along in my time of despair.  
  
WW: Can I ask what exactly was -SNICKER- Fru Fru?  
  
LEGATO: Fru Fru was my pet fuzzy pink bunny rabbit.  
  
WW: Dahahahahah!! A fuzzy pink rabbit!! Oh that's just too good.  
  
LEGATO: Shut your mouth! Never speak badly of bunny Fru Fru!  
  
WW: Dahahahahah Bunny Fru Fru!!!  
  
VASH: Well my peace loving folks time is up and Legato has to go get his overcoat dry-cleaned and bunny Fru Fru needs to get his rabbi shots.  
  
ALL EXCEPT LEGATO BREAK OUT INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER  
  
VASH: Meryl!! I love you!!!  
  
MERYL: Vash will you shut up! And end the show!!  
  
KNIVES: Next week I shall have taken over the world and this show!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! EVTSC: .  
  
.^^ : World domination la la la  
  
^^. : I LOVE YOU MERYL DO YOU LOVE ME!???  
  
: VASH GO AWAY!!!  
  
^_\\ : Mass chaos!! 


	8. Sound Life...

EVTSC: . (Me) ^^. : Sooooo (Vash) ^^ : On the first evening of pudding (Milly) . : From somewhere (Dominique) O.O : Nyao nya meow (Out of nowhere) {Ksama} : Vash came and wrecked my life. (Meryl)  
  
LTFGBR  
  
REM: Last we left out loveable cast they collaborated for us on why they dress the way they do. -IN A HUSHED TONE- and Legato's bunny Fru Fru.  
  
LEGATO: Welcome pathetic vermin, today.  
  
VASH: We're all gonna participate in a good ol' fashioned sing along!  
  
KNIVES: Just follow the bouncing.  
  
VASH: Meryl and sing along!  
  
MERYL: Why do I have to subject to so much embaras.  
  
KNIVES: ASS!! MWAHAHAHA She was going to say ass!!  
  
-MERYL GLARED AT KNIVES AS SHE TOOK HER ASSIGNED SEAT ON THE SET-  
  
VASH: -CLASPING HIS HANDS TOGETHER- Oh, Meryl I knew that one day you would see things my way and join me by my side on the show.  
  
MERYL: It's not like I came of my own free will. -SHE LOOKS TO LEGATO WHO HAS A CHAIN THAT IS ATTACHED TO MERYL'S ANKLE-  
  
LEGATO SMIRKS HIS EVIL SMIRK  
  
MERYL: Can we just get this over with?  
  
VASH: Aye, aye my beautiful goddess.  
  
MERYL: .  
  
-MIDVALLEY BEGINS TO PALY SOUNDLIFE ON HIS SAXAPHONE-  
  
REM: Sooooo on the first evening of pebble from somewhere out of nowhere drops upon my dreaming world.  
  
LEGATO: Sooooo on the first day of cheesecake from somewhere on the pantry gets inside my belly.  
  
MILLY: Sooooo on the first morning with pudding from somewhere in the Frigidaire lives my pudding.  
  
WW: Sooooo on the first midnight of my life from somewhere in my pockets an endless supply of my cigarettes are.  
  
VASH: WW! That didn't rhyme!  
  
WW: So?!  
  
REM: Sooooo on the second celestial evening all the children of the pebble join hands and compose a waltz.  
  
DOMINIQUE: Sooooo on the second mission as a Gun all my buttons got torn off and got lost.  
  
KSAMA: Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooo nya mea mew meow nyao nyao nya nyo nyao mew mew meow nyao.  
  
MIDVALLEY: Sooooo on my second record album all the Gung Ho's and our leader blow things up and psycho ramble.  
  
REM: Sound life.  
  
MERYL: Sooooo on the day that Vash screwed my life up I kicked him in his shins then stole his donuts.  
  
KNIVES: Sooooo on the first day I killed some spiders and then all my minions help me in kicking Vash's butt.  
  
VASH: Sooooo after my third big box of donuts I asked Meryl-chan to marry and she agreed with me.  
  
ALL: Sound life.  
  
-THEY ALL BOW AND APPLAUSES ARE HEARD ALL OVER WHILE ROSES AND SUCH ARE BEING TOSSED ONTO THE SET-  
  
MILLY: Gee Meryl I didn't know that you and Mr. Vash were getting married.  
  
MERYL: Now who would say that Milly?  
  
MILLY: Why Mr. Vash did in his verse of the song.  
  
MERYL: VASH!!!!  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan!! Wait I can explain!!  
  
MILLY: Remember your counting!!!  
  
MERYL: One.ten!!!  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan just let me explain!!  
  
MERYL: You have one minute.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan I love you! You are my beautiful goddess, my shining star, my ray of light, my sunshine.  
  
-KNIVES, LEGATO, AND WW ALL STAND BEHIND A MICROPHONE THAT HAS BEEN LOWERED FROM THE CEILING AND BEGIN THE HUM-  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan this one's for you. -HE TAKES A MICROPHONE- You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey you'll never know dear how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away.  
  
-FANGIRLS FROM ALL OVER COLLAPSE AS VASH FINISHES HIS SONG-  
  
MERYL: Time's up.You loose!!  
  
VASH: But Meryl-chan!! I thought you loved me too!!  
  
LEGATO: Word to the wise, run. or stand there and let her pummel you.  
  
-MERYL PROCEEDES TO CHASE VASH AROUND THE SET KNOCKING THINGS OVER AS HE TRIES TO BLOCK HER PATH, HE JUMPS OVER FURNITURE AND TOSSES THING AT MERYL TRYING TO SLOW HER. AS THE SCREEN FADES TO BLACK ALL THAT IS HEARD IS VASH SCREAMING LIKE A GIRL AND BEGGING FOR HIS LIFE AS LEGATO AND THE OTHERS LAUGH HYSTERICALLY AS MERYL CHOKES, BEATS, AND TORTURE VASH-  
  
EVTSC: This was brought about what Princess of Donut Land (my ownly faithful reader.  
  
^^. Yay for the princess of my favorite food!!  
  
EVTSC: said in her review and by having the song in my head.  
  
.^^ Someone to obey my every command???  
  
-_\\ No she is mine for she brings me hotdogs and stuff!  
  
^^. Ya well she brings me donuts and is the princess of all that is donuty. 


	9. How to be a villain and never die

EVTSC: Don't own Trigun or the Escaflowne movie. .^^ I shall rule the world!! -_\\ World domination all the way!!  
  
(CAUTION!! Massive spoiler for those who no see or hear what happen in end of esca movie!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!)  
  
Legato's Tales From The Girls Bathroom  
  
Rem: Last week we.  
  
-Rem is cut off by hysterical psychotic laughter and the sound of running chain saws-  
  
Rem: What the.?  
  
-Knives appears and precedes to chase Rem with a gigantic chainsaw that has a little picture of a butterfly on it.-  
  
Legato: The master has demanded that he be given proper sacrifice.  
  
Dominique: Actually, our o great leader, asked, well more along the lines of demanded that he be given one episode to give advise to all who need it.  
  
Vash: Who could possibly seek advice from Knives?  
  
WW: Better yet who would actually want too?  
  
Rai Dai the Blade appears and strikes a very odd pose.  
  
RD: I was one of those people thank you very much!  
  
Meryl: What could you have possibly asked Knives' advice about?  
  
RD: Well.  
  
Knives: Sticking his pointy finger in the air. He needed advice on how to stop wetting the bed.  
  
EG: Actually boss that was me.  
  
Knives: Oh.  
  
Vash: Well what advise did you give him.it.uh, what are you anyways?  
  
Knives: I told him, well more along the lines commanded that if he wanted to be a Gung-Ho, since of course Legato had to make sure I was able to see their interview, he had to stop peeing his pants.  
  
Milly: Did it work?  
  
Legato: Do not speak while the master is speaking!  
  
Milly: Sorry, I just wanted to know.  
  
Knives: Of course it worked. I am Knives of course!  
  
Rem: Over a loud speaker. Call on line one.  
  
Knives: Yes, what seems to be your spidery problem?  
  
Voice: Uh, ya, whatever. Well this is what really got to me while viewing a document on villains all over the parallel universe histories. I noticed you didn't die.  
  
Knives: Uh.what's your point?  
  
Voice: I am.well was a villain in a different parallel universe. And I.  
  
Knives: You kicked the big bucket?  
  
Vash: You went knockin' on Heavens doors?  
  
Legato: You perished?  
  
Meryl: You got KO'd  
  
Milly: You mean you died?  
  
Voice: Ahh!! Yes that's what I mean!  
  
Knives: Well what's your problem? Because I don't see a problem here.  
  
Voice: Don't you see I died and you didn't?  
  
Knives: What is your frigging point!?  
  
Voice: I want to know how?  
  
Knives: I have an idiotic 'love and friggin la de da peace' hippie of a brother who wont kill anything, not even a spider!!  
  
Voice: I wish my brother saw things that way, even the dog beast man.  
  
Vash: Hey, uh who are you?  
  
Voice: Well I was Folken, and I guess I still am Folken except dead.  
  
Legato: What type of death did you receive?  
  
Folken: I was stabbed.  
  
Knives: Stabbed? And you died?  
  
Legato: I died better than you!  
  
Vash: Well how did you getting stabbed kill you?  
  
Folken: Well, I was trying to kill my brother Van and destroy all of Gaea then out of the shadows appeared the beast man Jajuka. He tried to attack me with his sword, but with my expert skills I drew my sword and slew him.  
  
Milly: Well if you killed him, then how did he kill you? Dead people cant do that you know.  
  
Folken: I wasn't finished! As I sliced his arm and part of his body off, he drew his dagger and plunged it into my heart.  
  
WW: What a way to go.  
  
Folken: Will you people let me finish!?  
  
Knives: Hurry and get this over with? You are beginning to bore me.  
  
Folken: Then I proceeded to pull the dagger from my chest.  
  
Meryl: That's a no-no.  
  
Folken: I made my dying speech as I walked away from Jajuka's dead body then I collapsed and died after hearing the most precious sound to my ears.  
  
Vash: -Sniffling and wiping at his eyes- What was it that you heard?  
  
Folken: My little brother Van,  
  
All: 0.o  
  
Folken: I had heard something that I hadn't heard in ages.  
  
Milly: What did he say?  
  
Folken: .Brother.  
  
There is silence all around, then Knives bursts out into laughter-  
  
Knives: What a sucky way to go, so you called and wasted half of my life just to hear how you died?  
  
Legato: I died better than you!  
  
Folken: Tell me Knives.  
  
Legato: Call him master!!  
  
Folken: No. So tell me the secret of how not to die when you are the villain.  
  
WW: I think Legato was more of a villain than Knives.  
  
Legato: I did everything for the Master. What I did he received the credit, from all the Gung Ho's and I. Credit for all those evil deeds.  
  
Folken: Great now answer my question, it's not very cheap calling long distance from hell, you know.  
  
Knives: Don't get and attitude with me SPIDER!  
  
Folken: How did you survive?  
  
Knives: Legato.  
  
Legato: Yes master.  
  
From Folkens end of the line you can hear the sound of popping bones and shrieks of pain.  
  
Knives: Here's a bit of advice. It is fools who die and the strong that lives!  
  
Folken: AAAHHH!!!  
  
The line goes dead and Legato, Knives and the Gung Ho's laugh-  
  
Vash: That's all the time we have for today folks. Join us next week when.  
  
Milly: I demonstrate how to decorate a cake with my favorite, pudding!!  
  
EVTSC: 0.o I think my creativeness is taking a plunge into the toilet.  
  
.^^ That was fun  
  
-_\\ Torture.  
  
^^ Pudding!! 


	10. Pudding Cake

EVTSC: Go figure  
  
.- - Not the pudding topic  
  
^^ Yay pudding  
  
REM: Last time knives gave advice to Folken from the Escaflowne Parallel universe.  
  
LEGATO AND VASH ARE SITTING AT A COUNTER. MILLY IS BEHIND THE COUNTER WEARING AN APRON OVER HER OVERCOAT.  
  
VASH: 'Ello and welcome to today's segment of.  
  
LEGATO: Legato's Tales From the Girls Bathroom  
  
VASH: And today Milly is going to demonstrate for us.  
  
MILLY: How to decorate a cake with only pudding!!  
  
KNIVES: This shall be interesting.  
  
WW: This aint nothin'  
  
MILLY: First have a cake that is already made.  
  
SHE PULLS A CAKE FROM THE FRIDGE.  
  
MILLY: Make sure the cake is cooled.  
  
LEGATO AND VASH EXCHANGE GLANCES  
  
MILLY: If it's not then the pudding will slide right off!  
  
WW IS GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT  
  
MILLY: Then have one cup of chocolate pudding, one cup of butterscotch, and a carton of vanilla pudding. If you don't care for butterscotch then use whichever other type of pudding you choose. I chose butterscotch because it is one of my favorites.  
  
SHE GOES TO A CUPBOARD AND TAKES OUT THE PUDDING  
  
MILLY: Next open up the vanilla pudding and precede to pour it all over the cake. Make sure that it is evenly spread out on the cake.  
  
SHE SMOOTHES THE PUDDING THEN OPENS A CUP OF CHOCOLATE PUDDING.  
  
MILLY: Now open the chocolate pudding and with a spoon scoop it out. And one spoon at a time glop it onto the corners of the cake.  
  
MILLY GLOPS THE CHOCOLATE ONTO THE CORNERS AS LEGATO AND VASH STARE IN HORROR  
  
MILLY: Now take your choice of pudding, mine being butterscotch, and gently with a fork swipe it around the outer edges of the cake.  
  
LEGATO AND VASH BEGIN TO TURN GREEN  
  
MILLY: Now put it in the fridge to chill.  
  
One hour later  
  
MILLY: Now remove it from the fridge and serve!  
  
SHE OPENS THE FRIDGE AND TAKES OUT THE CAKE AND BEINGS TO SLICE IT INTO PIECES. HANDING LEGATO AND VASH EACH A PIECE OF THE CAKE.  
  
LEGATO: I'm not hungry  
  
WW: My honey, bring me a piece!  
  
MILLY SMILES AND GETS WW A PIECE OF HER CAKE. SHE TAKES IT TO HIM AND HE DEVOURS IT.  
  
VASH: How could you do that?  
  
WW: It's good is how.  
  
LEGATO AND VASH LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND SWALLOW  
  
BOTH: Bring on the cake.  
  
MILLY HANDS THEM THEIR PIECE OF CAKE AND THEY BITE INTO IT  
  
VASH: You know this isn't so bad.  
  
LEGATO JUST NODS  
  
MILLY: Thank you for watching today's show! Now it's your turn!  
  
KNIVES HOLDS UP A PIECE OF PAPER THAT HAS ALL THE INGREDIENTS.  
  
MILLY: Hurry and copy all the items you'll need to make this marvelous eye popping cake.  
  
MERLY HOLDS UP A PIECE OF PAPER THAT HAS INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO MAKE  
  
MILLY: Now make sure you get the following instructions to prepare this tasty treat!  
  
WW: You wont regret it!!  
  
MILLY: Now go make your cake and enjoy!!  
  
VASH: Thank you Milly. Well that's all the time we have today folks  
  
LEGATO AND VASH WAVE THEIR SPOONS IN THE AIR AS THE PICTURE ZOOMS FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY FROM THEM  
  
EVTSC I'm hungry  
  
.- - See what did I tell you...and I didn't even get to be in the episode!!  
  
-_\\ It still does not beat the cheesecake  
  
^^. But it sure does go great with donuts!!  
  
- My honey sure can make a great sufley  
  
^^ Pudding Rocks!! 


	11. Super Sayajin...???

EVTSC Uh.  
  
.^^ The teensy weensy spider went up the water spout  
  
^^. Down came the rain  
  
^^ And washed the spider out  
  
-_\\ Along came the Master  
  
.^^ And smooshed them with my toes!!  
  
^^. Knives!!!  
  
  
  
Legato's Tales From Beyond the Girls Bathroom  
  
REM: Good evening and welcome. This morning we left the kooky guys with Milly's pudding cake. This by the way was superb, although Legato's homemade cookies are much better. But he won't give away his secret ingredient.  
  
LEGATO: Holding a tape recorder Note to self, destroy Knives' enemy Rem, she stole part of my line.  
  
VASH: Holds his own donut shaped tape recorder Note to self don't let Legato hurt Rem.  
  
KNIVES: looks at the two dumm-dummm's on the sofa. Annoy piss out of them.  
  
VASH: Today we shall uh.  
  
LEGATO: Perform a game show.  
  
VASH: What kind of game show?  
  
LEGATO: Torture Rem till she dies.  
  
MERYL: comes storming out of her office. No. You kill her then Leonav will have to do that, and he can't speak to well.  
  
VASH: looks all dreamily at Meryl. Meryl-chan!  
  
MERYL: looks to the camera. Today we have four contestants. She pulls out a card Legato Vash Knives and Wolfwood. She points to four stools that pop out from the floor Now sit! She snaps her fingers and they all float and land on the stools.  
  
WW: What the?  
  
VASH: dreamy eyed. What a woman!  
  
KNIVES: Stupid spider trying to outdo me. MERYL: I'll be the host. Today's game is you all have been given an identity, well all but Knives. He must guess who or what each of you are in the time given.  
  
KNIVES: What am I supposed to do?  
  
MERYL: Pretend you have invited these guests to your bachelor party.  
  
VASH: But Meryl-chan shouldn't I be the one to have one of those since we're getting married.  
  
MERYL: Vash. Shut up. Now Knives I'll ring a bell and that sound signals that they are at the door, but when you hear the buzzer that means time is up and you loose.  
  
Meryl rings the buzzer to begin the game  
  
Knives: This sucks. stands there and crosses his arms  
  
Meryl rings the bell  
  
Knives: Go. looks at an angry Meryl Coming he walks to the fake door and answers it  
  
WW: steps in the door (in a monotone geeky voice) Knives-sama, what can I do for you?  
  
Meryl rings the bell again  
  
Knives goes to open it  
  
LEGATO: LOVE AND FRIGGIN PEACE!! he assumes the position  
  
WW: licks his left arm I could kill you all in a blink of an eye without breaking a sweat  
  
LEGATO: puts a tie around his head La la la I'm a loser  
  
Meryl rings the bell  
  
KNIVES: goes to open the door Hello spider.  
  
VASH: smokes an imaginary cig.  
  
WW: Master crawls on his belly to Knives  
  
LEGATO: falls down off the stage. Sound Life.  
  
VASH: pretends to stick something over Knives' head Make a confession, and put a few coins in the slot so I can feed the orphans.  
  
WW: Master!! Pay me attention, abuse me, and tell me to go get myself killed.  
  
KNIVES: Legato Shut up. kicks him in the side  
  
WW: I think I'm going to be sick. Someone get me some disinfectant, get the iodine!!  
  
LEGATO: in a geeky voice No you cant kill, for you see killing is bad.  
  
VASH: May you go with God's protection puffs his imaginary cig  
  
KNIVES: Wolfwood shut the hell up.  
  
VASH: That wasn't nice. he walks off stage to his stool  
  
LEGATO: Sooooo on the first blah blah blah.  
  
KNIVES: Rem! Die!!!! Vash! Get over the dumb woman! She had no purpose in life! Except to annoy the piss out of me!!  
  
Meryl rings the buzzer signaling the end of the game.  
  
MERYL: Great, I think I'm going to need therapy now.  
  
VASH: That was fun!!  
  
WW: That was scary.  
  
They all nod their heads as they sit on their stools.  
  
MERYL: Now for another game.  
  
KNIVES: No not another spider game!!  
  
MERYL: glaring at Knives her eyes turn to flames Yes another game!  
  
VASH: dreamily What a woman.  
  
MERYL: Milly!! Bring the giant tub of pudding! Dominique!! Bring the balance beam!! Midvalley!! Bring the sticks with the soft padding on the ends!!  
  
Milly drives a fork lift onto the stage with a kiddy pool full of vanilla pudding. Dominique balances the beam in her arms walking onto the stage. Midvalley carries in the weapons  
  
MERYL: Great!  
  
They arrange the items on the stage. The contestants all are a little scared looking.  
  
MERYL: Alright! she had a very psychotic face look on The object of the game is simple! Don't fall in as you beat each other with this.  
  
Milly and Dominique stand at each end holding the poles  
  
MERYL: First up is Wolfwood vs Legato!  
  
WW looks to Legato who smirks then begins to laugh  
  
MERYL: Legato! You use any mental powers and you are fired!  
  
LEGATO: You take all my fun away!  
  
MERYL: Now lets get it on!  
  
WW walks to the with Milly. She smiles hands him his pole and kisses him on the cheek for good luck  
  
WW: Thanks my honey.  
  
Milly: No problem darling! She smiles and giggles  
  
Legato walks to the other end with Dominique. She hands him his pole and he takes it. Waiting there.  
  
DOM: What? he points to his cheek No! Legato pouts and steps up onto the beam  
  
Legato and WW stand on opposite ends of the beam. Legato smirks and WW has his same look as always. They attack each other WW beats Legato in the head repeatedly and Legato tries to attack WW but is suffering from massive brain damage.  
  
VASH: GO WW!!  
  
MILLY: GO!! YAY!!  
  
MERYL: sipping her coffee. Legato goes to jab WW No below the belt!  
  
WW: Thanks Meryl!  
  
They continue their fight. Finally after WW has beaten the tar out of Legato's head, Legato takes a plunge into the pudding. He doesn't move  
  
MERYL: Monev, Grey! Bring the stretcher and get him out of here!  
  
They do as they are told, fear they would catch the wrath of Meryl.  
  
MERYL: Next up! Knives vs Vash!  
  
They walk to the beams  
  
MILLY: Here you go Mr. Vash! he takes the rod.  
  
VASH: Thanks Milly. Hey Meryl-chan! Are you going to root for me?  
  
MERYL: Sorry Vash cant. he looks sad. It's against rules and regulations.  
  
KNIVES: The final show down brother! _he walks to his end of the beam and takes his rod from Dominique. she smiles all starry eyed at him Gross. No spider can get close to me! she sighs and walks off the set. Her job being done.  
  
MERYL: Lets get it on!!  
  
The two brothers stare at each other.  
  
KNIVES: You're going down.  
  
VASH: That's what you think. But you see, I have cat like reflexes!  
  
Knives and Vash attack each other. Knives beats Vash in the gut. And Vash whines. Meryl watches very observantly. Legato watches on his TV screen from the ER. Vash goes and swipes the rod under Knives' feet. But with his moderately cat like reflexes he jumps. Then Knives pounds Vash's head with the rod. Vash whines even more. Meryl sips her coffee. Knives goes to beat Vash in the head again, but Vash with his great cat like reflexes ducks and jabs Knives' in the stomach. Knives' doubles over from the pain. Then while his attention is away, Vash pushes him over with the rod. Knives falls face first into the pudding.  
  
MERYL: YES! Uh.Very good! Nebraska family, pull him out of the pudding!  
  
They come and pull Knives out of the pudding and carry him off the showers as he curses at Vash who waves like an idiot  
  
MERYL: Now for the finals! WW vs Vash. Who will win!  
  
WW walks to Milly's end of the beam. She kisses him on the cheek for good luck. Then hands him his stick. Vash walks to the other end where Meryl stand.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan I knew you loved me!  
  
MERYL: Actually Dominique went to the ER to pick Legato up. I'm just helping out.  
  
VASH: Thanks Meryl-chan! he takes the stick out of her hands and smiles.  
  
WW and Vash stare at each other for what seem hours, then they proceed to scream looking as if they are constipated. WW's hair turns blond and sticks up. Then his eyes turn green.  
  
VASH: Hey WW you know, you kind of look like me.  
  
WW: Shut up! You didn't have to try!  
  
VASH: I know. It just comes natural to pros like me.  
  
WW: What ever.  
  
They go to attack each other and WW beats Vash in the head. Vash is then knocked unconscious and lands in the pudding. Meryl comes running up.  
  
WW: I won!! It was all that Super Sayajin power.  
  
MILLY: But Mr. WW you aren't a super sayajin.  
  
WW: Oh yeah.  
  
MERYL: squats down by Vash and lift his nose out of pudding Vash.?  
  
VASH: his eyes pop open Meryl-chan! You really do love me!! I knew it.  
  
MERYL: drops his head back in the pudding I was just making sure the show didn't loose a co-host.  
  
LEGATO: From the ER Well that's all the time we have left today.  
  
MILLY: Our winner is. WW!! YAY Mr. Priest!!  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan!! Wait!! Let us profess our true love for each other!!  
  
MERYL: Turn off the camera so I can kill Vash!  
  
EVTSC: That's over with!  
  
.^^ : I lost to Vash! How could that be??  
  
^^. : You lost to me, I lost to a priest!!  
  
-_\\ : At least you weren't knocked out round one.  
  
-_- : I am the champion!!  
  
O.O : Nyao.  
  
EVTSC: Sorry its sooooo long! 


	12. I'm immortal too!!

EVTSC Dun, Dun, Dun.  
  
.^^ Vashie had a little spider, little spider  
  
^^. I had a little pet spider which was real short and cute in pink.  
  
-_- She followed him around the planet around the planet  
  
^^ She followed him around that liked him a whole big bunch  
  
.^^ But this spider was in denial, in denial  
  
-_- She was in denial because Vash was a big dope.  
  
^^. She loved me so-o much..  
  
AAAARRRGGGHHHH  
  
Legato's Tales From Beyond the Girls Bathroom.  
  
REM: Last month they played a game which Knives, WW, Legato, and Vash all participated in. All but Knives had alter egos to be. Then it was a fight to the pudding. When all of a sudden WW turned into the legendary Priest Super Sayajin! Let's see what the silly gooses have up their sleeves this month.  
  
VASH: Ello!  
  
LEGATO: Hi.  
  
LEGATO IS SITTING IN A CHAIR, LIKE THEY HAVE ON THOSE TALK SHOWS. HE IS SIPPING A CAN OF PEPSI. AND TO HIS LEFT IS AN EMPTY CHAIR.  
  
LEGATO: Good evening. And welcome my spiders.  
  
THE AUDIENCE APPLAUDES AS THE APPLAUD LIGHT APPEARS WITH MONEV AIMING HIS MACHINE GUN THINGYS AT THEM.  
  
LEGATO: Today's guest star is Vash the Stampede.  
  
VASH WALKS ONTO THE STAGE WAVING THE AUDIENCE CHEERS  
  
LEGATO: Hello there Vash. Have a seat. HE MOTIONS FOR VASH TO SIT IN THE CHAIR BESIDE HIM  
  
VASH: SITTING DOWN IN THE CHAIR. Hello.  
  
LEGATO: Vash why don't you enlighten the audience on why you came to be on the show.  
  
VASH: Well Legato, there's this girl, you see, and I'm crazy about her, but my only living relative is against me asking her to marry me. Oh and then there was this woman who saved my life long ago.  
  
LEGATO: Yes. Well we have a commercial break then we'll be right back. HE POINTS TO THE TV SCREEN.  
  
HOPPARD IS HOLDING KSAMA. HE SMILES AT THE CAMERA  
  
HOPPARD: You know when my cat has flea's I tend to get them myself.  
  
THE CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON KSAMA WHO HAS FLEA'S JUMPING ONTO HIM FROM HOPPARD  
  
HOPPARD: So when that starts to happen, I just use.  
  
HE HOLDS UP A BOTTLE  
  
HOPPARD: Grey's nine lives flea remover for men.  
  
HE DROPS A FEW DROPS ONTO HIS HANDS THEN SMOTHERS IT ALL OVER HIS FACE AND ARMS.  
  
HOPPARD: Just apply this for three days and the fleas will flyaway!  
  
LEGATO: And we're back.  
  
ANOTHER CHAIR IS SITTING NEXT TO LEGATO  
  
LEGATO: Let's welcome our next guest Rem Saverem!  
  
REM WALKS ONTO THE SET. THE CROWD BOO'S AND SCREAMS OBSINITIES AT HER.  
  
LEGATO: Now, now. Be nice.  
  
VASH: REM!!!  
  
REM: Hello Vash, how's Knives?  
  
VASH: Psychotic as always.  
  
REM: That's good.  
  
VASH: Rem, I thought you died and went to Heaven. How'd you get to come here?  
  
REM: Silly! I never died. I'm immortal. I can't die.  
  
VASH: But, I saw the ship explode.  
  
REM: Silly, you saw the wrong ship. You were turned around and saw a ship that held some building material and supplies. I wasn't in that one. I was in the ship facing away from yours and Knives' ship.  
  
VASH: SHOCKED. Then where have you been all these years??  
  
REM: Oh, I've been around. In your mind when you had emotional break downs, visiting Alex, selling my artificially grown geraniums, teaching little children the importance of peace and love and all that good stuff.  
  
LEGATO IS YAWING AND LOOKING EXTREMELY BORED.  
  
VASH: Alex? You mean that guy you told me and Knives about. The one that you lost and loved?  
  
REM: Yes Vash. I've been living with him for the past 100 something years.  
  
VASH: And I never knew?  
  
REM: Vash, I figured, and was hoping you'd get on with the rest of your life.  
  
VASH: But, Rem! I was torn in two when that happened!! Then I lost Knives and was all alone!  
  
REM: Vash, you survived didn't you?  
  
VASH: Yea, but.  
  
LEGATO: Well that's all the time we have for today folks!  
  
LEGATO WAVES TO THE CAMERA AS VASH STARES WITH HIS MOUTH HANGING OPEN AT REM. REM SMILES AS SHE ALWAYS DID, DOES.WHATEVER.  
  
KNIVES: I didn't get to be on the show! Stupid spiders!! Stupid Vash!! Stupid REM!  
  
EVTSC to be continued, I don't like to make them to long,  
  
.^^ like that last one?  
  
EVTSC sorry ok?  
  
-_\\ I lost you shall perish!!  
  
EVTSC I perish you're show goes down the toilet  
  
^^. Do you like toilets or something??  
  
EVTSC No.its just a uh.  
  
Metaphor! 


	13. Meryl and Vash sitting in a tree k-i-s-s...

EVTSC Can't say I do  
  
.^^ I will she doesn't!!  
  
^^. You are correct!  
  
LTFBTGB  
  
REM: We had to take a break from the talk show, so today we are going to tell each and every one of you what we are scared of the most.  
  
LEGATO: Stupid Rem. Take my lines.  
  
VASH: Ello! WAVES MORONICALLY  
  
LEGATO: Today we shall ask a few of our cast members what frightens them the most.  
  
VASH: First we shall ask Milly Thompson. Milly?  
  
MILLY: Yes, well what scares me the most is a pudding shortage.  
  
LEGATO: A pudding shortage.?  
  
MILLY: Yes, b/c with out pudding the world's economy would crash and become corrupt b/c the law men who make the rules, the ones with out teeth, wouldn't be able to eat anything sweet ever again. All from the lackage of pudding!!  
  
VASH: Pudding.?  
  
MILLY: Yes, my friend's pudding!!!  
  
LEGATO: .yes well thank you.  
  
VASH: WW, what are you afraid of?  
  
WW: Nothing.  
  
VASH: Sure you got to be afraid of something.  
  
WW: Nothin.  
  
VASH: You're no fun.  
  
MILLY: But, Mr. Vash, Mr. WW isn't lying. Nothing scares him.  
  
VASH: WW you suck.  
  
WW: I do not suck!! Thank you very much!!  
  
VASH: O.o  
  
LEGATO: Let us ask our musician, The Horn Freak, Midvalley.  
  
MIDVALLEY: Well, let me think. I am most frightened of.donuts.  
  
VASH: Donuts! HIS EYES GROW IMENSLY LARGE AND ALMOST BULG OUT OF HIS SKULL  
  
MID: Yes. Are you happy? It's something I don't like to admit!  
  
VASH: What a loser! WAVES A DONUT IN FRONT OF MIDVALLEY. Want a donut? Huh? HE WAVES IT BACK AND FORTH. Take the donut. Be the donut. Eat the donut. FEAR the donut! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
  
MID: COWERS IN FEAR BEHIND HIS SAXAPHONE. Stop it! Or I'll quit!  
  
MERYL: VASH! If he quits your pants are mine!  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan! You do love me!  
  
LEGATO: Let us quit amusing ourselves with my minstrel's weakness.  
  
VASH: Let's see.  
  
LEGATO: Let us ask the boring meister.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan!! My love! My wife!  
  
LEGATO: What fears does the scary one have?  
  
VASH: Yes, what are you afraid of that I am able to rescue you from then comfort you b/c you are so scared? HE HOLDS HIS ARMS OUT TO HER  
  
MERYL: SHE REJECTS HIS EMBRACE. I think that being married to Vash would not really scare me but terrify me.  
  
VASH: LOOKING HURT Meryl-chan, you make me laugh. I know you just can't wait till the show is over.  
  
MERYL: WALKS OFF THE SET AFTER PUNCHING VASH REALLY HARD IN THE ARM  
  
VASH: RUBS HIS ARM. She loves me.  
  
WW: Get your head out of clouds.  
  
LEGATO: Let us ask the master what he might be afraid of, if anything that is, scares him. Which I doubt there is.  
  
VASH: Apparently you've never lived with him.  
  
LEGATO: Do not disrespect the master!  
  
KNIVES: Well, you see I am slightly afraid of spiders.  
  
MILLY: People or the ones with the fuzzy legs?  
  
KNIVES: Ones with fuzzy legs.  
  
VASH: Well you know Knives; some people have fuzzy legs.  
  
KNIVES: SMACKS HIS FOREHEAD The small ones that have eight legs make webs and have fuzzy legs.  
  
VASH: But Knives, not all spiders have fuzzy legs.  
  
KNIVES: Vash shut up. Before.  
  
VASH: Before what?  
  
LEGATO: Yes Master, unleash your terror upon this infidel!!  
  
VASH: He cant I'm his brother!  
  
KNIVES: Curse you. If you weren't blood then I'd inflict pain upon you.  
  
VASH: You only wish!  
  
KNIVES: Hey servant spider.  
  
LEGATO: POUTING I thought you considered me more than a mere spider.  
  
KNIVES: Suck it up. So what pray tell are you afraid of.?  
  
WW: This could be scary?  
  
LEGATO: Well let me ponder upon this subject.  
  
TEN YEARS LATER  
  
VASH: So Knives, how ya been?  
  
KNIVES: great. You ever marry that spider?  
  
VASH: Ya! She did about 2 years ago. She couldn't with hold her innermost feelings.  
  
WW: Ya well at least you don't got fifteen kids.  
  
MILLY: HOLDING A BABY. Yeah, and we have one more on the way.  
  
VASH: What'd you name them all and how old are they?  
  
MILLY: Well lets see, the oldest is 10 and his name is Vash, then there's our 11 year daughter Meryl, then the 9 year old Knives, then our twin 7 year olds Nick and Nicholas, then the triplets Millie, Millions, and Merle who are 5, oh and cant forget the quadruplets Legato, Midvalley, Chapel, and Wolfwood, they are 3. Then we have Rem and Dominique, they're our twins who are 2, and our little Stampede. He's a few months old, and our baby on the way who is a girl and we're thinking of naming her.  
  
KNIVES: Something normal?  
  
WW: Well Milly here picked out all the names.  
  
MILLY: We are going to name her Maryann.  
  
MERYL: Milly, can you come and control your children? They are disturbing little Vash's nap.  
  
MILLY: Coming Sempai. HAND WW THE BABY Here Mr. Wolfwood, hold uh.Stampede  
  
WW: TAKES THE BABY. Ok my honey.  
  
MILLY: Thanks darling.  
  
MILLY WALKS OFF SET. MERYL WALKS IN AND HANDS VASH A LITTLE DARK SPIKEY HAIRED BOY WITH BIG BLUE GREEN EYES.  
  
WW: Now that definitely is your kid needle noggin.  
  
KNIVES: I have a spider uh.nephew thing.  
  
VASH: Thanks Meryl. Now go help Milly. MERYL WALKS OFF STAGE AND HELPS MILLY WITH HER CHILDREN. Hey guys, look at what I showed little Vash here to do. VASH HOLD LITTLE VASHUP. Love and Peace! LITTLE VASH CROOKS HIS FINGERS INTO THE LOVE AND PEACE POSITION. See isn't he smart!  
  
KNIVES: . Ya.real smart.  
  
LEGATO WAKES UP  
  
LEGATO: I have it! Hey who are all those brats in the back, and who's that spiky haired kid in my co-hosts lap?  
  
VASH: Those are WW's and Milly's children and this is my son, Vash.  
  
WW: So. Did you ever deicide what scares you most?  
  
LEGATO: I did. It is zombies, and many little Vash look alikes.  
  
VASH: Why are you afraid of zombies?  
  
LEGATO: B/c they are decaying, and slimy, and eat flesh, and eeww HE SHUDDERS  
  
KNIVES: What a wimpy servant.  
  
LEGATO: But the zombies feast upon you then turn you into one of their own! The horror oh the inhumanity!  
  
KNIVES: More importantly.Vash no last name, Vash Stryfe, and Vash Wolfwood! Come here please!  
  
THEY ALL COME AND LINE UP ACCORDING TO HEIGHT. FIRST BEING OUR VASH, THEN VASH WOLFWOOD AND FINALLY LITTLE VASH JR.  
  
LEGATO: M y worst nightmare has come to life! HE RUNS OFF THE SET AND OUT THE DOOR SCREAMING FOR HIS LIFE. HE IS THEN MET BY THE ZOMBIE CAST OF RESIDENT EVIL. Master! Save me!  
  
-End-  
  
EVTSC no not the zombies anything but the zombies!!  
  
.^^ Yes evil spider zombies that kill their own!  
  
-_\\ not the zombies!!  
  
^^. Meryl-chan finally married me!!  
  
My life is a living hell. 


	14. Get the duct tape!

EVTSC no comment  
  
.^^ We don't  
  
^^. Own it.  
  
-_\\ We just star in it  
  
EVTSC but not me  
  
.^^ We now present our feature presentation: LEGATOS TALES FROM BEYOND THE FEMALE SPIDERS RESTROOM  
  
LTFBTGBR  
  
MIILY: Last airing time, which shall be continued today, Vash wants to proclaim his love for the person he loves the most, but his br.only living relative disapproves of this. Then Vash met someone he has held dear for a very long time.  
  
DOMINIQUE: Rem. They all thought she died. But he came to find out that she is immortal and cannot die. Instead of looking for two little boys stranded on this forsaken planet she went to live with Alex, her former boyfriend from Earth.  
  
MIDVALLEY: Let's see what secrets are going to be revealed today, and will Vash ever tell this special person his most inner thoughts for her, and will she accept.  
  
LEGATO: Welcome back one and all! Vash has just found out that Rem was alive all these years. Vash what are you thinking at this time? LEGATO TURNS AND FACES VASH WHO IS NOT BLINKING.  
  
VASH: . Rem.why? You left me there to suffer! Then people tried to hurt me! And Knives neglected me!  
  
LEGATO: Speaking of which, let's bring out or other guest, THE CAMERA ZOOMS OVER TO THE DOORWAY Millions Knives! KNIVES WALKS OUT, WELL IS MORE ALONG THE LINES OF PUSHED OUT, OF THE DOOR.  
  
VASH: Knives! Look! Rem! You didn't kill her after all!  
  
KNIVES: Damn, I knew I should have blew up the cargo ship! Damn, damn, damn!  
  
REM: Actually Knives, you did blow up the cargo ship, and not the main ship.  
  
KNIVES: Silent woman! I know what I blew up and what I didn't. I guess that means you're one tough bitch, and I'm going to have to devise another plan of which to exterminate you and the spiders with!  
  
VASH: but Knives! Rem's back! And she's our mom dude!  
  
KNIVES: She is not our mother! If she was then we'd be immortal to!  
  
VASH: But we kind of are.  
  
KNIVES: Shut up Vash, and tell you! Tell me why I am here on a show for spiders when I was devising a master backup plan to destroy them!?  
  
LEGATO: Vash, your only relative that's blood, has something to tell you. Vash.  
  
VASH: Well, Knives, you see there's this girl.  
  
REM: Oh, Vash I am so happy, you actually did move on with your life.  
  
VASH: Yes, well.  
  
KNIVES: Don't tell me it's one of the spiders I so hate, now is it?  
  
VASH: Well, yes. I'm crazy about her. Every time I see her, I get butterflies in my tummy.  
  
KNIVES: Moron! Only go for someone of the superior race, not no wimpy spider!  
  
REM: Now Knives, you should be happy for Vash.  
  
KNIVES: Shut up stupid spider! Who ruined my life!  
  
REM: Knives, I'm hurt.  
  
KNIVES: Good.  
  
LEGATO: Knives, hear Vash out.  
  
KNIVES: Oh you be shut up! It's your fault I have to hear this spiders annoying voice again!  
  
VASH: Knives! Be nice to Rem.  
  
REM: Listen up here plant boy! If it wasn't for my intervention you would be spider food now.  
  
KNIVES: You lie!  
  
REM: I wouldn't! I don't believe in lying!  
  
LEGATO: Yet, you believe in deceit.by concealing yourself from two people who seemed to have cared deeply for you.  
  
REM: That is not deceit! What I did was for the best!  
  
KNIVES: Wrong-o there lady! Because you were there at the beginning filling my only flesh and blood's head with rubbish!  
  
REM: It was not rubbish! And from what I've heard you should have been the one I paid more attention to!  
  
VASH: I thought they asked you two here for me to tell you something very important!?  
  
REM: I'm sorry Vash, dear. What was the exciting news you had?  
  
KNIVES: Yes spider lover! What pray tell were you going to say? I'd better approve with it or else it won't happen!  
  
REM: No! Knives! If you don't stop ordering your brother around, then I'm going to do something I should have done along time ago.  
  
KNIVES: And what could you possibly do to me?  
  
REM: Put you over my knee and spank you!  
  
KNIVES: That doesn't threaten me.  
  
REM: It should!  
  
LEGATO: Grey, Monev will you come and constrain our two guest. WW get the duct tape.  
  
WW: Cant I'm filming.  
  
LEGATO: So it seems. Ksama get the duct tape!  
  
MONEV AND GREY GRAB KNIVES AND REM BEFORE THEY POUNCE ON EACH OTHER AND PLACE THEM EVER SO GENTLY IN THE SEAT. THEN KSAMA DUCT TAPES REM AND KNIVES TO THEIR SEATS.  
  
LEGATO: Thank you. HE SMILES THEN LOOKS AT HIS CARDS So Vash if you will tell them your big secret.  
  
VASH: HE PLACES HIMSELF BETWEEN REM AND KNIVES. You see there is this girl I know, you two probably know her too. Well I am going to ask her to marry me.  
  
KNIVES: Never! You are not allowed to marry any of those spiders!  
  
REM: Who is the lucky lady Vash?  
  
VASH: HE BLUSHES Meryl-chan!  
  
KNIVES: No any other spider but that one!  
  
REM: Vash she is way to wrong for you!  
  
VASH: Why?  
  
REM: She's too short.  
  
VASH: But that makes her cuter!  
  
KNIVES: She's has a serious PMS problem!  
  
VASH: I haven't noticed  
  
REM: Vash if you marry her you're going to regret it and ruin your life!  
  
KNIVES: Listen to your savior spider. And if you marry this certain spider I will disown you.  
  
VASH: You can't make me change my mind!  
  
KNIVES: I'll make you regret it!!  
  
VASH: I'm going to and you can't stop me!  
  
LEGATO: That's all the time we have today folks. Join us on the next Legato's Tales from the Girls Bathroom, to see if Vash will ever ask Meryl to marry him.  
  
THE AUDIENCE APPLAUDS INTIMIDATED BY THE GUN-HO'S ALL AIMING GUNS AT THEM.  
  
EVTSC: yawn sleepy xx this will be me in minutes I think I'm seriously dying.  
  
.^^ one less spidery person thing!  
  
^^. No!!!!  
  
Wait she cant die! Or the show will never reach its grand finale!  
  
^^ that means no more pudding  
  
- - my pay check! 


	15. Underoos!

EVTSC I do not or ever have owned Trigun, thank you.  
  
^^. I am the one worth $$60 billion!!  
  
.^^ And I'm his brother. That would make me worth $$ 1200 billion  
  
LeGaTo'S tAlEs FrOm ThE GiRlS BaThRoOm  
  
LEGATO: Welcome plebeians, which all of you are. If you look it up in the dictionary because you don't know it, you will find what it means.  
  
VASH: Ello. HE WAVES AND SQUEAKS.  
  
VASH: We have a very interesting topic today.  
  
LEGATO: I didn't choose it. My esteemed co-host chose it.  
  
WW: FROM BEHIND HIS CAMERA FROM WHERE HE HARDLY EVER IS Of course he chose it.  
  
DOMINIQUE: He's a big perv.  
  
VASH: LOOKING SAD. I'm hurt.  
  
WW: Sure you are.  
  
VASH: Anyways. Today's topic is underwear!  
  
KNIVES: Underwear? Why that?  
  
WW: So he could get closer to Meryl's.  
  
VASH: Why I'd never. HE SITS THERE FOR 5 MINUTES. THEN THE GUILT GETS TO HIM. Fine! That's the truth! I cannot tell a lie! I did look in Meryl's draw and they were all gone.  
  
MILLY: That's because she moved them! SHE GOES BACK TO HER PUDDING.  
  
VASH: First up is. PULLS AN ENVELOPE OUT OF HIS POCKET. Midvalley the horn freak!  
  
MIDVALLEY: SUDDENLY STOPS PLAYING KNIVES. Me?  
  
VASH: Yes you! Now tell us Mr. Saxaphone, what kind of under-roo's do you wear?  
  
MID: BLUSHING. Well, HE PLAYS HIS FINGERS ON THE BUTTONS THAT YOU PUSH TO MAKE THE NOTES ON HIS SAX. This is kind of embarrassing, but their brass.  
  
VASH: Brass.?  
  
MID: The chicks dig them.  
  
LEGATO: I can't believe I let him talk me into this. PONDERS UPON IT FOR A MOMENT. Oh wait! I know why. I was hoping he'd ask Dominique! HE SIGHS.  
  
VASH: Thanks for sharing Mr. Brass butt.  
  
MID: IGNORES VASH'S REMARK AND GOES BACK TO PLAYING HIS SAXAPHONE THIS TIME PLAYING SOMETHING THAT HAS NO NAME.  
  
VASH: That was interesting. Who knew that they ever made brass undies?  
  
LEGATO: Go figure my obtuse co-host spiky head.  
  
VASH: LOOKS AROUND THE STUDIO, AKA THE BATHROOM. Now who to ask.? A LIGHT BULB APPEARS OVER HIS HEAD. Dominique!!  
  
DOMINIQUE: What?  
  
VASH: What about you?  
  
DOM: What about me?  
  
VASH: You know what we're talking about, underwear. What are yours?  
  
DOM: Undisclosed comment.  
  
LEGATO: Tell! HE FORCES HER TO SPEAK.  
  
DOM: I.TRYING TO RESIST. Wear.A purple.RESTIANCE IS GETTING HARD. Thong.  
  
LEGATO: Yes! HE LOOKS DOWN. Uh I mean.uh.Vash.who's next?  
  
VASH: STICKS OUT HIS TOUNGE. Milly!!  
  
MILLY: Yes?  
  
VASH: What about you?  
  
MILLY: Light blue with little teddy bears on them!  
  
LEGATO: Bears? Teddy bears?  
  
WW: Ya, they're kind of spiffy if you ask me.  
  
LEGATO: We didn't. Go back to your job. Infidel.  
  
WW MUMBLES UNDER HIS BREATH.  
  
VASH: Interesting. Very, very interesting.  
  
LEGATO: Strange.  
  
VASH: Now then what about our handy dandy camera man Ste.I mean WW.  
  
WW: SMILES PROUDLY. Well Vash. Mine are sensible and also illustrates what my profession is.  
  
VASH: Wow. What do they look like?  
  
WW: Well needle-noggin. They are black, silk that is, and have white crosses scattered on them. Very fashionable, non?  
  
VASH: Non.? What the.?!  
  
LEGATO: No speaking French! Only what you normally speak!  
  
VASH: Wow. Since when could you start speaking French?  
  
WW: Since just that moment ago, Mon ami!  
  
VASH: Wow.  
  
LEGATO: Get back to your job!  
  
WW: IMITATING LEGATO. Yes, Mastah.  
  
VASH: Who's next.? VASH CHEWS ON HIS THUMBNAIL AS HE THINKS. Brother of mine! What about you?  
  
LEGATO: Mastah? Are you going to share with human population of which you wish to destroy on the topic of your panties?  
  
KNIVES: First off, I don't wear panties! Panties are for women spiders! But yes, for they won't live long enough to remember what I wear under my clothing.  
  
VASH: Lovely.  
  
KNIVES: Yes. Well I wear the holy underwear! I might discuss with you all one day on how I happened to get them in my clutches. But not today, for it will take a while. Besides. I don't feel like telling you. For I would much rather rip your eyes from their sockets.  
  
VASH: Yikes. So by holy, you mean the moths ate them?  
  
KNIVES: . No! I mean they are holy. Not holes in them you nincompoop but the other holy, divine, sacred, hallowed, people worship these babies!  
  
LEGATO: Meaning you could conquer the humans while they adorn you with gifts just to see or touch your underwear?  
  
KNIVE: Yes. But I don't want them that close to me.  
  
VASH: Anyways. HE TURNS TO LEGATO. What about you. Mr. Cyclops.  
  
LEGATO: I am not a Cyclops  
  
VASH: But we've only seen your one eye the whole time we've known you. Thus that could mean you are in truth a Cyclops.  
  
MERYL: The topic or your ass!  
  
VASH: Yes, well. What about your undergarments?  
  
LEGATO: I chose nothing.  
  
VASH: You mean under your pants is nothing? Gross!  
  
LEGATO: No, it's called easy access.  
  
KNIVES: Do not discuss this sadistic thing around my virgin ears.  
  
VASH: ...Right.  
  
LEGATO: Forgive me Mastah Knives.  
  
VASH: Who haven't we asked yet.?  
  
LEGATO: .  
  
ALL IN THE ROOM LOOK AT VASH.  
  
LEGATO: You my dimwitted side kick.  
  
VASH: BLUSHING Oh yeah. Well I have two favorite pairs. The ones with the donuts and fairies that glows in the dark. And then there are the ones that have little black cats on them. The color scheme of them is red and white. And to top it all off is a white band around the top.  
  
LEGATO: Superb.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan! Can you come out here a minute?  
  
MERYL WALKS OUT OF HER OFFICE. MERYL: What Vash.  
  
VASH: What color are your panties?  
  
MERYL SMACKS HIM IN THE FACE. VASH RUBS HIS FACE.  
  
VASH: But Meryl-chan.  
  
KNIVES: Remember your spidery critics and the little freshmen boys who want to know. Oh and then there's Vash, my idiotic brother who doesn't know what's good for him.  
  
VASH: Please Meryl-chan.  
  
MERYL: AFTER A FEW MOMENTS AND A LONG SIGH. Fine. Today's are green.  
  
VASH: Green? Can I see? WABAM! MERYL STORMS OFF THE STAGE INTO HER OFFICE AND LOCKS THE DOOR BEHIND HER.  
  
LEGATO: I take it that means that's the end of today's show.  
  
VASH: Ya'll come back now, ya' here.  
  
-Finito-  
  
EVTSC: HEHEHE  
  
.^^ Knives and the quest for the holy underpants!  
  
^^. Meryl-chan! Marry me!!  
  
Leave me alone Vash! 


	16. Meryl-chan oh Meryl-chan will you marry ...

EVTSC Please tell me you know by now.  
  
^^. I don't know  
  
.^^ please refresh our memory  
  
EVTSC I don't own okay?  
  
-_\\ much better.  
  
Legato's Tales.  
  
MILLY: Last week. Vash told Rem and Knives who the lucky lady was.  
  
DOM: Meryl Stryfe. Also Rem and Knives had to be duct taped.  
  
MID: Find out the conclusion. Will Meryl say yes, or will she tell Vash to drop dead?  
  
LEGATO: Welcome back mundane. LEGATO SMILES AT THE CAMERA. As you have heard from my uninspiring lackeys, you are now caught up from last time we met and I spared your life. HE POINTS TO THE PEOPLE SITTING BESIDE HIM. Vash are you ready for the moment you've been waiting for?  
  
VASH: Yes. HE NODS VIGOROUSLY. I believe I am Legato.  
  
LEGATO: Rem, Knives. Are you ready to let Vash continue on with his life?  
  
REM: I believe I am. I guess when I heard that I realized that I was going to lose Vash to someone else. I'll never forget those big blue green eyes gazing up at me.  
  
LEGATO: Knives what about you?  
  
KNIVES: I can't stop him. I'm not happy with it. I highly reject this situation. I have to piss. I have finished my devious plans to wipe out the spiders.  
  
LEG: Thank you Knives.  
  
KNIVES: I wasn't finished you freak of a spider!  
  
LEG: Yes, well Vash. Are you ready for us to bring her out?  
  
VASH: Yeah. VASH CROSSES HIS FINGERS.  
  
LEG: Everyone give a hearty welcome to Meryl Stryfe, an insurance claims representative from Bernardelli Insurance Company.  
  
MERYL WALKS OUT OF THE DOOR CAUTIOUSLY. THE AUDIENCE CHEERS. SHE TAKES A SEAT NEXT TO VASH.  
  
LEG: Welcome Meryl Stryfe.  
  
MERYL: Ya. Why am I here? Don't you people realize that I have a job I have to do?  
  
MILLY: FROM OFF STAGE Don't worry Meryl. Mr. Priest and I can get it done.  
  
MERYL: Great. Now I'm going to have twice the amount of work to do. Can you hurry and get this over with.  
  
KNIVES: See! Vash I told you!  
  
REM: I'm beginning to agree with Knives.  
  
KNIVES LOOKED SHOCKED. SO DID VASH.  
  
LEG: Yes. Well Vash. Tell her why she's here.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan.  
  
MERYL: ..  
  
VASH: I asked you to come here today. There's something I want to ask you.  
  
KNIVES: Don't do it Vash!  
  
REM: Ignore him! For our sakes, don't listen to anything Vash has to say!  
  
LEG: Shut up! Vash continue.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan. I.HE BLUSHES. Uh. This is kind of embarrassing.  
  
MERYL: hurry it up here Vash. I have to actually work unlike some people I know.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan. Will you.will you.  
  
MERYL: Will I what?  
  
KNIVES: Help us destroy spiders kind!  
  
REM: Help teach the children!  
  
LEG: Ignore the bumbling fools that are duct taped.  
  
KNIVES: I will show you fool!  
  
LEG: Don't make me get more duct tape!  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan. Will you.  
  
MERYL: Vash spit it out! Before I leave!  
  
VASH: QUICKLY Will you marry me? HE LOWERS HIS HEAD WAITING TO BE PUNCHED.  
  
KNIVES: Noooo! Say no! say no! say no! Don't take my brother away from me!  
  
REM: Noooo! Say no for crying out loud! Don't take away my little Vash!  
  
LEG: Ksama! Duct tape their mouths shut.  
  
KSAMA PROCEEDES TO TAPE THEIR MOUTH SHUT. SILENCE. AS ALL WAITS FOR MERYL'S REPLY.  
  
MILLY: FROM THE OFFICE. Say yes Sempai!  
  
WW: FROM THE OFFICE. Way to go Tongari!  
  
VASH: Well? What do you say Meryl-chan?  
  
LEG: Now we wait for her reply.  
  
REM and KNIVES: mmmmmmmmmmm!! THEY BEGAN TO CRY. KNIVES BECAUSE VASH ASKED A SPIDER TO MARRY HIM. REM BECAUSE SHE LOST THE ONLY PERSON WHO WAS OBSESSIVE OVER HER.  
  
MERYL: I can't Vash. I have to much work to do now. And then there are your relatives. Maybe if I wasn't so far ahead in my career. Maybe if you weren't an outlaw, maybe.maybe.  
  
VASH: I understand Meryl-chan. VASH WAS HURT.  
  
MERYL: I have to get back to my work. SHE RUNS OFF THE SET. LEAVING VASH THERE SAD.  
  
KNIVES: Stupid spider. You shall pay.  
  
REM: Curse her! She will regret hurting my little Vash.  
  
VASH: Meryl-chan.  
  
LEG: Well folks, a tragic ending to a happy event. Reunited with his adoptive mother, his psychotic brother. Rejected by his love. Sadness grips us all, especially Vash the Stampede the humanoid typhoon worth $$60 billion.  
  
-End-  
  
EVTSC: I cant believe I let that happen!  
  
.^^ I wont be related to one of the spiders!  
  
-_\\ Suffering for Vash the Stampede!  
  
No comment!  
  
^^. She'll come to her senses! 


	17. A note to you from EVTSC and friends

LEGATO'S Tales Shall Be continued!  
  
But first I must write more of my original.  
  
If you want them to do something of your choosing just email me and I will try to get it written.  
  
But, don't expect me to leave my poor Vashie hanging like that. Im not that cruel.  
  
Thanks to those who reviewed.  
  
Oh by the way I have the 1st chapter written. I'm just keeping it hidden till Monday!  
  
Arent I so mean!  
  
.^^ I shall return to finally squish you all with my big toe!!  
  
-_\\ and I shall help by running around causing people to rip their own ears off.  
  
^^. Love and Peace! 


End file.
